Anyone that knows my hubby, Oh No Mr. Bill, will totally get this -
anyone who doesn't will have a new insight to the wonderful man I
married. After all these years, there are a few things he should
know.....but I think he chooses to ignore to get on my nerves :)
Here they are in no particular order.....
01.
He can't sing...this in itself is not bad when Sweet Baby James and I
hear it coming from the shower. It is not good when we hear it coming
from outside OVER the sound of the lawnmower. If we can hear it inside,
I'm sure the neighbors can hear it outside and they don't really strike
me as the kind of folks who might love hearing Bill's repertoire of
Yes, Bob Marley, etc.
02. Halloween is my favorite holiday.
It is not enhanced by Bill's need to start listening to Christmas carols
early to "get in the spirit."
03. His high school beer can
collection needs to go. It won't fetch much on eBay and he's kidding
himself if he thinks I'm going to let him put it on display.
04. Ditto for all of his rock concert t-shirts.
05.
The stuffed porcupine his brother has will never cross the threshold
of any home I live in no matter how much Bill loves that wonder of
taxidermy.
06. When I say "Whatever," it doesn't really mean do whatever he wants - it means whatever I want.
07.
When I say "Whatever" and it is accompanied by an eye roll and head
shakes, I'm dialing Dr. Melfi and making him an appointment.
08. When I don't say anything and give "the look," it means I've dusted for fingerprints and rehearsed my 911 call.
09.
He needs to stop threatening to make James mow the lawn. When he
does, James and I both roll our eyes. James would never cut the lawn to
Bill's standards. The times he tried, Bill couldn't stand it and
either took over or fixed the rows.
10. I love him with my whole heart but if Jon Bon Jovi comes calling, Bill is history.
11.
His hair primping, worrying about losing 5 pounds and difficulty in
choosing outfits is a bit girly. It goes above and beyond any of the
girls I've ever lived with (including all 5 of my roommates AND myself
in college senior year).
12. While I appreciate that the Gin
Blossoms, Motley Crue and AC/DC are still in my truck's CD changer, the
fact that my Bon Jovi CD was what he and James replaced with other CDs
is just wrong.
13. Just because we have a lot of drawers,
doesn't mean he has to stash something of his in each of
them...especially my dresser drawers. This form of marking his
territory is not acceptable behavior.
14. He needs to teach his
friends and family that if they call and leave him a message on his cell
phone, that he will call back as soon as he can. Their message SHOULD
NOT BE the first message in a long line of messages to our house phone,
back to the cell phone, back to the house phone unless someone is
bleeding from multiple wounds - profusely.
15. He needs to teach
these same friends and family that dropping by unannounced to our
house, will not endear me to them and may result in them bleeding from
multiple wounds - profusely.
Original date Monday, May 25, 2009
